When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head,
And the thoughtful words of health and hope
Have all been nicely said.
But I'm still hurting,
Wondering if I'll ever be
The one I think I am.
I think I am.
Then you gently re-remind me
That you've made me from the first,
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst.
And I realize the good in me,
Is only there because of who you are.
Who you are...
And all I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.
Any more or less would be a step
Out of your plan.
As you daily recreate me,
Help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do
What I can find.
And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.
Today was the first day in weeks that I have not cried. I did not fight this day...I simply let it happen. And remarkably, much to my surprise, I have survived. I didn't think about death. I thought about life. Jeff's life and how very much his life and being a part of it- changed my life and formed who I am today. And I thought about an old school chum, sandy Springer, who spoke with me at lunch. She made me feel special. She made me see that Jeff's choice didn't ruin my testimony or what people thought of me, but rather strengthened it through the diversity that I have suffered and am now overcoming. For the first time in seven months I was proud of who I am and what I have accomplished as a mother to these motherless children. And I am thankful- no priveledged to have been Jeff's mother. Because without me, Jeff never would have known what a mother's love was all about and he never would have known a lullaby. And he never would have known true happiness and the effects that our choices have on a family. He never would have known that he had choices. And he never would have known about Jesus Christ. But because we chose to obey God and love him...he knew...and because of me...my little boy is in heaven and not hell and that is a big accomplishment...and for that, I am thankful...
Thanks Sandy, for today...you'll never how God used you to bring back from a place I keep going back too....you may have saved my life today....
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