The End

I remember waking up that morning and feeling odd. Usually Katce had climbed into bed with me when Tim left for work, but she was not there. I checked on her pretty little self, still asleep in her own bed, and quietly crept downstairs so that I wouldn't wake up Kayla and Jeff. But Jeff was not where he was supposed to be. All of his bedding was on the couch still all messed up, but he was not. I looked outside and even his car was gone, which was weird because he had had a flat tire the night before and he hadn't fixed it yet. As I was roamimg around trying to figure out what was going on....Kayla woke up and said, "Mom, he left at 6:30am this morning- he was mad because he couldn't find his keys. He thought you had them. He woke me up slamming stuff around, but I guess he found them and left. I didn't think to ask him where he was going." I shrugged my shoulders and hoped he wasn't going to blow off this new job, but what could I do?
Just then the phone rang and it was Amy. "Kari- Jeff is here. He's in his car out front and he won't leave. He came knocking on my window and said that if I didn't go back with him- something bad was going to happen. I tried to get him to come back and talk, but he wouldn't- he just ran to his car."
"Amy- call the police...just call the police.." I told her. "He could hurt you..." memories of bad times came flooding back.
"Won't you just come and get him? I don't want him in trouble...." her voiced trailed off. I could tell she's tried so hard with him, but she'd about had enough and I knew that feeling from previous experiences.
"Okay...I'll be there as fast as I can, " I told her and hung up. I started pulling on my shoes and coat over my pajamas. "I'd better call a man to come with me in case he gets beligerant, " I hurriedly told Kayla. She suggested that I call my sister Melissa since she's the best man we know and Jeff tended to listen to her. Then I called Tim who said that he'd leave work right away and go to Amy's. I had Kayla barricade the doors in case Jeff came home first and was angry and she had Katie-Grace alone- "Don't let him in unless I'm with him." We'd been down this road before.
I picked up Melissa and we headed out. I was kind of worried because I really didn't know what we would be facing. Would he be angry.? Would he be overwelmed and upset? Melissa and I began to discuss our options on what to do for him.....

As we rounded the corner to Amy's house- I got an almost sick feeling inside. Jeff's car wasn't in the driveway...it was up the road about 20 yards. The brake lights were on. I pulled up next to it and the windows were fogged up. Melissa peeked out her door."He's not even in it," she said as she began to get out. I parked the car thinking that he had ran into the woods and we'd have to go find him. He must be so sad...I began to get a surreal worried feeling as I made my way toward Melissa. It was quiet - too quiet.
She looked at me with wide,  quizzical eyes and all of the sudden she yelled, "It's too late! It's too late..."
"I looked at her and started to scream, "What do ya mean- it's too late! Break that window and get in there..." i noticed that the car was so fogged up that we couldn't see his face inside. What if he'd affixiated himself- it wouldn't be too late.
"No- I"M TELLING YOU IT'S TOO LATE!" she spoke as she edged her way around the car. Then she looked at me as I got closer and that's when I could see in enough to see the bright, red blood all over his pants. Then she ordered, "Go call 911...KARI...go call 911!"
I quickly obeyed trying to run to the house, but when my legs began to feel like spaghetti I jumped into the car and drove into the driveway and began to scream, CALL 911....CALL 911!" I could see them dialing as I jumped back into the car and frantically drove the twenty yards to park behind Jeff's car.
melissa was now keenly looking everything over and assessing the situation. "Stay back , Kari...I MEAN IT ..." Melissa cried as she talked to the police on the cell phone.
"We need to get him out- ," I blasted and started to look for something to break the window.
"No, the police said stay back...we can't touch anything...!" She went around the car again answering the questions by 911 and I made my way to the car. I looked in and that's when I saw ALL the blood...Oh no ..I thought ...what has he done? My mind began to reel as I took in the sight. The bright, red blood, his hand ...his ashy lil hand laying on his leg...laying next to a GUN...a huge, huge gun....
"Melissa, oh no, he's shot his own self...Oh MY GOD- MY GOD-...help us...he's shot his own self..." I began to scream it over and over again. I screamed it to God...I screamed it to Amy...I screamed it to the world... I tried to get the door open...I had to help him. My Baby Boy needed me and I couldn't get him out...I was going crazy...I could feel it...
"Get back!" Melissa began to shove me..."You can't break the window...the police want us to get back..." and she began to tell the police about the gun and wrap on the window hard to get Jeff to move- bruising her nuckles in the process.
I started to wet my pants and began to scream uncontrollably. "OH GOD HELP US..he's shot his own self..." and my heart began to tear in two and my world began to spin and my life began to end...
Amy and her Mom came running from the house...."Stay back Amy...I mean it...stay back !" I yelled at her like a momma protecting her young..."You can't see this! NO ! I won't let you ...I mean it...I'll spank you...now stay back.." Amy crept creeping closer and I began to try to stop her. ThEn I saw JoAnn- she was frozen- staring at me and our eyes met and I knew- I knew that she knew that Jeff was dead.
"He's dead? " I began to wimper..."he's really dead?'..and I sat down on the road and bawled...it began to mist and the police and the EMT's  arrived....and all I could to was get up and wimper and watch as they started to get to my son...my son...MY SON... and now he was dead.
I don't remember much after that. Tim came and he'd already guessed what had happened. He held me, but then went to see for himself. We began to function in a robotic mode...I began to pinch myself trying wake up from this awful dream...it couldn't be real...it couldn't...Everyone was asking questions...where'd he get the gun...how long had he been gone...but I didn't know...all I knew was that Jeff was dead...The police finally came up on the side of the road and I asked with pleading, begging eyes, "He's really dead?"
Tim held me close as the policeman quietly answered, "Yes Mam, he is dead."
And I buried my head in Tim's shoulder and my world came crashing down. My boy, my lil boy, the one I tried so hard to fix- was gone- gone by his own hand....and I couldn't fix it- heck I couldn't even believe it- and my perfect little world of love and peace and joy came crashing down....and I died...that day...all that I believed about Jeff, about me, about everything was gone...gone and dead...