The day before Jeff's death was the best day that we had spent with Jeff in two years, and as I look back on it now, I believe that God himself orchestrated it so that we would know that Jeff indeed loved and cared for us deeply. He discussed his future with his Dad and I, gamed with the kids, joked around, ate dinner with us, played with Katie-Grace, played basketball that evening with Joshua, and even joked around. Our Jeff was home, but even more importantly, our Jeff was back. Finally, I felt like this next week would bring about the changes he needed to get his life back on track; a new job at Court-Side, a safe place to live, a possible mission trip, plans for the summer....He gave us the best day....only to be followed by the worst day of our lives...
I awoke by lights and a loud tv at 3am. Katce was stirring and so I settled her back down and went to see what was up with the tv. Jeff was awake- really awake- and very quiet. He looked awful. I asked him if he could turn the tv down and then I suggested turning it off so maybe he could sleep. He nodded and rolled over and as I was about to go upstairs I turned around and said, "I love you Bubby." "I love you too Mom," he returned in a soft, low voice. I yearned to go back and caress his little head and hold him, but sadly I did not. I told myself he needed his sleep. That was the last time I ever saw my son alive. The last time I would hear that voice say those precious words to me. And finally the last chance I would've had to change his mind....a regret that I'll live with for the rest of my life..
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