Trudy Mater

Coming home and telling the kids was over and we were numb. The news hit FB within minutes and our house became a madhouse of phone calls, visitors, family, friends, food....it was all so much. I couldn't think and if it wasn't for all of these people coming and helping I think I would have went crazy. They did everything. They answered the phone, organized, took care of the kids, did the laundry, talked with Tim, and just took over me. I felt so loved and so lost.
I remember the first thing I did was walk in and spy Jeff's pillow. I seized it and hung on to it for dear life. I could smell it...his smell...it was like he was still here. I tied to put it down- to stop the "Linus" thing, but I couldn't. No one would let me go downstairs by his things, and I really wanted to curl up in them and be lost in them. At times I felt like I was going into myself and not coming out. The reality of what had happened began to feel too surreal and I was unwinding fast. My sense of reality was quickly headed south. No compass..nothing to compare this with ...I was lost- so very very lost.
I think it was Trudy Mater who came first- she began to watch me freak and she said in her bravest voice," What do you need...what can I do for you...?"
 "A shower, I need a shower, but I am afraid to go by myself...I'm afraid to be alone.." I cried softly. "I wet my pants when we found Jeff and I just remembered," I was so embarrassed. She took my hand and took me up the stairs. When I got into the shower I began to sob and sob...a deep down grown that came form such a depth that when I realized why I was crying- it frightened me. "What's wrong? She asked?" I looked at her helpless, lost in fear- "I can't get the memory of his blood off. No matter how hard I scrub- the blood is still in my mind," and I felt that I would collapse.  The poor woman actually helped get me out of  the shower...she saw stuff that even I get the shudders looking at. But not Trudy, she just grabbed some sweats and helped me into them. She was just there- just like she has always been for my kids. Because that's what Trudy does...she mothers others.
Many times God puts people in your life that would die for you, but rarely does he put someone in your life that would die for your children, but for us He did. When Trudy Mater met our kids- she was instantly in love and the feeling was and is mutual- my kids adore Trudy Mater. Josh and Alan have been friends for so long and through the years the Mater family have just sort of adopted them, parented them, and loved them. People say that "it takes a village" to raise kids, but for us, "it took the Mater family". My kids have spent days, nights, and trips with the Mater's and in return the Mater's have had laughter, no food, broken things, broken bodies, freindship, and hardships, but have always come back for more. I would say that my kids have gotten the better end of the stick. But that it is truly Trudy who has stepped up and helped be their friend, confidont, Mom, and even sometimes their concience. In essence was I was "done" with them- she stepped up- everytime...anywhere. We have been at odds at times because we "she lionesses" are alot alike, but have always come back together because of these children. I remember one time when Jeff had moved out and I was so angry at how he had treated us and she said, "Don't be mad Kari, but I have to keep loving him no matter what- it's Jeff..." I remember crying because I was so angry and me thinking, "well at least he's getting some mothering...". because I knew she would. She would love continue to love Jeff and he would let her. And he did. For him- their home was an extension of who we were and while he was so frustrated at our"rules" that he didn't want them- Trudy's rules were still there and so was her love, but they involved a deep seeded friendship that held no restraints for Jeff. I'm sure he felt safe there many, many times.
From that very first day of Jeff's death, Trudy was there. She took all the teens, opened her home, allowed them to grieve. She held them, cried with them, mothered them, fed and watered them, and cleaned up after them- all so that the kids would find some way to survive this. No one knew that she was grieving too, but I knew. She was grieving the loss of her "son" also, because she was part of Jeff's "village". I remember she showed up and I was coing unglued and gasping for breath as I cried, "I failed him...I HAVE FAILED HIM..." and Trudy just held me and soothed me and quieted me like a mother does a child and said, "No you loved him. You helped him. you were the only Mom he ever knew. You did the best you could...you know that you did..." She held me for what seemed like hours.....And still after all this- she showed up every morning and everyafternoon, asking what she could do for me and when I told her...she did it. Even now weeks later- there's a phone call, a hug, a look, a thought... and I know she knows... and it helps ... and I love her for it...because Trudy Mater is Trudy Mater and that's what she does- she mothers...